So You Think You Have It Tough ... Read This Inspiring Story

As a teenager growing up in the Kenyan slum of Mathare, Sammy Gitau was a drug pusher, thief and gang member who was nearly beaten to death twice and ended up in a crack-induced coma.

In 2007 he graduated from Manchester University with a master's degree in development.

The road from the depths of oblivion to the peak of academic achievement has been a long and testing one, and not without its setbacks. At one point British authorities blocked Gitau from entering the country saying they didn't believe he was clever enough to do a graduate degree.

From Kenyan slum to British master's graduate: Sammy Gitau's story is extraordinary

But Gitau, now a 35-year-old father of three, knew his path was more or less destined since he found a Manchester University prospectus in a filthy Mathare skip years ago and began dreaming about making his life better.

Now, armed with the knowledge he's garnered his studies, and the wealth of contacts he's made, he returned to Nairobi and expand the projects he's run there for the past decade, helping people as lost as he once was.

"When I was 13 or 14, I never imagined I would be in this sort of situation. All I used to think about was how I was going to die," said Gitau as he talked through the strange twists and turns his life has taken.

Gitau's life began to spiral out of control shortly after his father was murdered with a hammer in Mathare, one of the oldest and most squalid of Nairobi's slums, where an estimated 300,000 people live crammed into makeshift huts.

As the eldest of 11 children, he was expected to become the breadwinner, but in his desperate struggle to make money he turned to gangs and drugs, dealing them and then taking them.

"The next thing I knew I was in a hospital bed, falling in and out of a coma, and I could hear the doctors and nurses talking about how I was going to die," he said, retelling the story as if he can't quite believe how bad it once was. I thought that if I had to give an account of my life I would have nothing to show. I knew I had to change."

It took a couple of years, but eventually Gitau started working with the Mathare community, helping young boys involved in crime and drugs. He also took any free course he could, studying education, counselling, computers and electronics. A good student, he was soon teaching and counselling others, and before long set up the Mathare Community Resource Centre, instructing hundreds of poor residents in useful skills such as tailoring, soap making and basic engineering.

It wasn't long after that he found the Manchester University prospectus and knew immediately the next step he needed to take. But even after he had applied, been accepted and been offered a scholarship to study at Manchester, the British High Commission in Nairobi was not convinced he was a valid candidate, saying he didn't have enough formal education.

It took a months-long legal battle and a court case before a British judge ruled he had been wronged and a visa was issued. But by then the scholarship had expired. Friends stepped in to help with funding and a year later he was finally at Manchester.

"It was the lowest hole that I had sunk into," he said of the time when he was battling for a visa. But now when I look back, it was almost to my advantage. I met many people I would not have met and who have helped me."

What''s Your Four Minute Mile?

For years, the 4-minute mile was considered not merely unreachable but according to physiologists of the time, dangerous to the health of any athlete who attempted to reach it.

For Roger Bannister, it was vindication. When he crossed the finish line with a time of 3 minutes, 59.4 seconds, he broke through a psychological barrier as well.

John Landy, considered one of the great milers of that era, never had gotten closer than within 1.5 seconds of the 4-minute barrier before. Within 46 days of Bannister's breakthrough, Landy surpassed the record with a 3:57.9 in Finland. Bannister and Landy raced later in the year in the "Mile of the Century" at Vancouver, a runoff to decide who was the faster miler. Bannister won in 3:58.8 to Landy's 3:59.6, the first time two men in one race had broken 4 minutes.

This story is known to most of us as one of the landmarks in sport, but did you know that by the end of 1957, 16 runners had logged sub-4-minute miles. That certainly surprised me. And what does it mean to us – it shows how much the four-minute barrier was psychological rather than physical.

So a good question for us all to consider whether in work or private life is ‘How many Four Minute Mile barriers have we set up for ourselves?’

If would like to learn more about asking great questions, my new book 'Purple Monkeys' A Leader's Practical Guide To Unleashing The Power Of Questions To Deliver Great Results' will be available shortly. For More information go to my website www.pmpgenesis.net or simply click the HOME button on the right.

Would You Value A Clever Way To Think About Trust In Relationships?

Sometimes I relate the story of Wagner Dodge at Mann Gulch (what a title!). It is a story of a group of fire-fighters in 1947 parachuted in to fight a forest fire in the American Mid-West. They were a group not a team, but were led by the experienced fire-fighter Wagner. They followed his instructions during the events that led up to the fatal incident, even though he rarely said much to explain his actions or instructions. Until unfortunately when they were fleeing for their lives from the pursuing fire, and they saw their boss wagner stop and light a grass fire in front of them seemingly making escape even more difficult. Wagner jumped through the flames of his new fire into the burned out zone and beckoned his colleagues to follow. None did and all but two were caught by the chasing fire and died

Why then did they not follow his instructions at the one time that could have saved them? They had followed instructions all day remember. The answer is of course when it came to life and death decisions they didn’t trust him. He hadn’t built up trust in easier times when he could. The fact is as a leader your followers observe everything you do and take meaning from it. You cannot not lead!

Many years ago I came across this simple concept that helps you in thinking about this issue of building trust in relationships. It is about investing wisely in our personal account at the Bank of Integrity. We are all familiar with our financial bank accounts. This works in a similar manner, but it is where we invest (or draw on) our personal integrity. These in turn can affect our relationships, level of mutual trust and therefore influence with others.

How do you open an account? Well the good news of course is that you already have one! A better question would be; what is my balance and do I owe anything? This bank is of course (unlike our retail banks!) is always open and it is easy to make investments.

I make deposits when I deliver on all the small commitments that I make to others and myself throughout the day, week or year. I automatically for example make a deposit in my account when you notice that I keep my promises, and trust between us grows, and in the joint account between us - where the integrity of our working relationship is totted up and accounted for - we stay in the black and in profit.

I make an investment when, as promised, I provide clear and helpful feedback to my reports, when I spend time listening to others, when I return the letters and calls that I promised to, when I get to meetings on time, when I successfully deal with difficult situations with fairness, firmness and empathy. Most of all, I make significant investments when I treat others with courtesy and respect.

I can also make an investment when I skilfully and assertively talk about problems in relationships, but in such a way that both parties learn and trust each other again.

I even get to make investments when I get things wrong, provided I apologise sincerely and honestly. I make deposits when I admit to a mistake, when I acknowledge the harm I may have caused others.

Managing an account at the Bank of Integrity is the secret formula to learning to like myself more. It is the way in which I learn to trust myself, and my relationships with my significant others.

The down side to the bank always being open - and the really bad news - is that is it is just as easy to make large withdrawals. I make a withdrawal when I promise you to deliver an important project on time and fail to do so without giving you any notice, and I let you - and myself - down. There is also a parallel withdrawal in our joint account, as you no longer feel quite the same trust and confidence in the relationship.

I make a withdrawal when I fail to keep any of the same commitments and promises that I described earlier.

I make withdrawals when I am disrespectful, when I lie, when I tell a half-truth, when I act with a cloudy conscience, when I talk badly of you when you are out of the room.

One of the keys to avoiding withdrawals of course is to simply not make promises and commitments we know, or suspect, that we will be unable to keep. We may feel awkward in the moment when we say ‘no’ to a request (or even a demand) but we will feel better about our self in the long run. A good way to think about saying no to something is to ask yourself first what am I saying yes to before I say no.

Another key to avoiding withdrawals is developing our skills asking great questions and also in listening carefully and attentively to others.

If would like to learn more about asking great questions, my new book 'Purple Monkeys' A Leader's Practical Guide To Unleashing The Power Of Questions To Deliver Great Results' will be available shortly. For More information go to my website www.pmpgenesis.net or simply click the HOME button on the right.