The Golden Rule v Platinum Rule

Most have heard about something that has become known as the Golden Rule, namely; ‘Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.’ Many of us aspire to live by it. It assumes that other people would like to be treated the way that you would like to be treated.

However I think the Golden Rule misses a trick. Recently I came across an alternative to the Golden Rule.  It is something that has come to be known as the Platinum Rule. It is as follows: ‘Treat others the way they would want to be treated.’

Think for a moment about the difference this makes.

It creates a subtly but very powerfully different outcome to the Golden Rule. The Platinum Rule does not just include my views, feelings and assumptions, as useful though as this is, but it also includes the feelings of others. The focus of relationships shifts from; ‘This is what I want, so I assume everyone else wants the same thing’, to ‘Let me first understand what they want and then I'll tailor my response to what might work for them.

Now of course you might not know what they want. But if you are prepared to live by this rule then it will motivate you to find out, either by listening carefully to what they are saying, or simply by asking them.

The goal of this Platinum Rule then is productive relationships. You do not have to change your personality. You do not have to roll over and submit to others. You simply have to understand what drives people and recognise your options for dealing with them.

It links to another ‘rule’ I have always found useful. If you want to take someone to where you are, first of all you need to go to where they are.

Personally I have found all of this very useful, not out of any spiritual or religious perspective (I don’t happen to be a believer in those things) but purely because it helps me to achieve more productive relationships

If would like to learn more about asking great questions, my new book 'Purple Monkeys' A Leader's Practical Guide To Unleashing The Power Of Questions To Deliver Great Results' will be available shortly. For More information go to my website www.pmpgenesis.net or simply click the HOME button on the right.